X3: Way Gayer Than You Even Thought (continued)
By JEFF SIMMERMON & KENNETH HILL

People should only jump out of windows if they are totally sober – and can fly. But you're right. Accepting who you are does come down to personal responsibility, although some people, for whatever reason, may never be able to do that.

So look, just to lighten it back up a little here ... as you've done on your blog with ‘American Idol' ... I'm curious to hear from a professional homosexual what the three gayest moments in ‘X3: The Last Stand' were.

Ugh, it's tough. There were so many. But the first, most obvious one, would have to be Angel breaking free and spreading those great big fabulous virgin-white wings. It was all I could do not to get all James Ingram and start singing ‘I Believe I Can Fly' right there in the theater.

The showdown in Jean Grey's house was ultra -gay, in that it had two ‘Wizard of Oz' references rolled into one. A) The house lifted up off the ground and began twisting, and B) I could have sworn I heard Professor X whisper “I'm melting” as he disintegrated into nothing. If you have to ask why 'The Wizard of Oz' is gay, you should probably just go back to only reading Readers' Digest and Guns & Ammo.

Let me guess the third one here. Was it the gender-bending Prince look-alike with the destructive hand-clapping powers?
YES, and how! She was so tranny-fabu, and with a totally appropriate power. You know she would rock the club with that funky mutant handclap. She was straight out of the mutant touring company of ‘Rent.'

But really, the coolest thing for me was the sense of empowerment among the gays/mutants. They were totally "We're here, we're queer, get used to it." And the fact that there were two factions of mutants engaged in some major infighting, even though they both had the same ultimate goal of not being forced to take the cure, equated to some real-life gay community metaphors.

What do gays fight about internally?

God. What DON 'T we? The gay community is really made up of many communities, and we split all the time on priorities and tactics. And just like the X-Men and Magneto, we can be on the same team, until pragmatism and idealism divide us.

How so?

Take gay marriage. A lot of people in the gay community see it as progress when we make small wins like getting civil unions as we did in Vermont . Meanwhile, there are gay folks who see that as a total sell-out. They want marriage – full, straight-on, real-life marriage just like you people have. Anything less is not real equality. There's no way Magneto would go for civil unions. He wants a white dress, like, 20 bridesmaids, a 5-foot high cake, and a marriage certificate. Nothing less.

Hey, I've told you about all the gay things I loved about the movie. You had some problems with it. What were they?

I thought the great big fight in the end was really unclear. Who was the good guy there? I had to see it twice and think about it real hard to work out who was fighting for what in the end. You shouldn't have to do that with a big-budget blockbuster. Then, just little stuff.

Like, why did Magneto have to rip the whole Golden Gate Bridge apart? He could have just grabbed a couple cookie sheets and gotten down to business.

Duh. It's called “dramatic flair.” Why make a little splash with a cookie sheet when you can unravel a big gay bridge and make people really take notice?

 
You impress so easily. All these mutants are totally gay onscreen -- but Ian McKellen is gay in real life. Do you have the hots for him, too?
 
Ian is a gay saint. “And I am not lying for real,” as you like to say. I have so much respect for his talent -- and the fact that he is a gay man who is out and successful in Hollywood -- that my heart swells anytime I see him onscreen. And for that -- yes, Ian McKellen is totally gorgeous.
 
So it sounds like a big gay thumbs up about ‘X3.'

All I know is ‘X3' sported a guy with some big gorgeous wings, Hugh Jackman should ALWAYS wear leather pants, and if Ice ever needs some warming up, he has my number. What's not to love?


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