X3: Way Gayer Than You Even Thought
By JEFF SIMMERMON & KENNETH HILL

Editors' Note: Reading this won't make you any straighter or gayer than the X-Men.

So I finally got you to buckle down and see ‘X3' last night ...

I know. At first I kind of resisted, as I don't usually buy into great big straight guy extravaganzas -- and I never read comics. But what can I say: Hugh Jackman weakens my resolve. And when I realized how gay this was going to be, how could I resist? I love love LOVED it.
For real? I wasn't that into it ... I thought it was kind of a bad movie when I saw it last weekend.
But you turned right around and went again with me? I'm touched.


Just like pizza and sex, comic book movies are good even when they're bad.

What was so bad about it? I thought it was great.
Great, like “eye candy” great, or great, like “great story” great?

Both. It was visually fun -- the sets, the costumes, the special effects and the hot men. And in addition, it was super gay.

Even I, with my blunted wooden gaydar, picked up on the screaming homo themes running through that movie like a river of salty drag queen tears.

Do you even know how gay you just sounded? I hold all the gay cards here, but I'm curious to see what kind of gayness you picked up.

Well, the Jackman beefcake extravaganza was only a small part of it. If Juggernaut isn't a great big leather daddy, then my name is Rick Santorum.
And Beast: You can turn a bear blue and call him Hank, but he's still a big old bear.

I'm with you on all that, but the gay themes and elements are much more numerous. Substitute "gay" for the word "mutant," and you've got cinema verité about some serious gay identity issues.
Well, the film's central question of “Would you change your identity to fit comfortably into society?” obviously has more than a little gay resonance. But in the movie, it was conceivable that one could be cured of being a mutant. And in real life, I just don't buy that you can be cured of homosexuality. The whole concept is laughable.
Some people think you can.

Those people also think that global warming is a myth perpetuated by the liberal media. As a member of the liberal media, I think those people are dipsh*ts.

The people who think you can be cured of gayness really offend me, and they also tend to get kicked off of American Idol, too. I would venture to say that the majority of gay men and lesbians would never want to be “cured.” But I shouldn't speak for them, let me speak for myself: I would NEVER want to take a so-called cure that would turn me straight. No way, no how. No offense, of course.

But there were some mutants in the movie that had a pretty good reason for wanting to be cured. Rogue had a pretty good reason, since her very mutantness sucked the life force out of anyone she touched. And you know Beast wanted a bit of genetic manscaping for sure. Is it possible that there would be gays who actually would be better off straight? Does the metaphor extend that far?

There probably are some people who would. The world around them has made it miserable for them to be who they are -- whether it was their parents or religion or where they live. The pressure is external, but it's been internalized into self-hatred, self-homophobia, etc.

I can see how that would happen when you are really young. Like little Angel trying to clip his wings off and apologizing to his dad for who he is. But after a certain point, isn't it your own responsibility to stand up to those external factors and move, or stand up to your family, or in Angel's case, jump right out the window?

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